fall back. [winter will catch you.]

darkness now brackets light
as we fall back
into winters paws

in my heart
winter,
the warmest of seasons.

prequeled by falling leaves,
brisk walks
by the harborfront

seeing colorful explosions in the night sky
that produce clouds like dragons

soon we will walk through
a kaleidoscope of autumn leaves
and learn how to

fall back

into eachother's arms


just as fall has learned
to trust winters paws

love your life.

in the time that it took to take its toll on
did you trade your angel for a hard shell?
afraid to fight, afraid to doubt, afraid to fit so
lovely into yourself

when there's no one around to lie
who will tell you to love your life?
you know I would if I could

the echo's sound from impassive stones
step on a speed train and go and go
till you cry your way out of here
your colors fly in a burning red
you tear yourself in two again so you can choose
what you can return

when there's nothing left to try
you will lose but you won't know why
when you need what you don't desire
you will want what you don't require

when there's no one around to lie
who will tell you to love your life?
you know I would if I could

don't you cry your way out of here..
you can love your life

the ends of the earth (the sea slows us)

a seven year old once told me that one day he was going to walk so far that he would fall off the planet. I asked him where the end of the planet was and he said 'the beach'.

the coast

is the place we go
when we want to feel
the ends of the earth

we cling onto the sands
less we drift away
into a wet unknown

our eyes scan the horizon
they see nothing but a horizontal line
the two extremes,

air and water.


long walks on the beach
are our feet sinking themselves into a million years
of worn stone


the beach is the safest way to test our mortality
for we are created to
fall prey to the sea, easily

go to the coast
and anchor yourself
to those you love most


ah,
but there is another place
a new paradigm with less air
we call space

we will no longer walk to the ends of the earth
and challenge a boat with the sea,

we will float in the silence
of new grains of sand called stars
in our pale new black gal axy sea

energy. honesty to the self.

"come up with something that is you."

the question of self isn't an easy one. it isn't realized even at our last breath. the greatest works of art have always been the complexity hidden within simplicity. many artists believe they can express themselves with true honesty when only they are hiding behind metaphors. it is easy to evade yourself and others this way. you aren't accomplishing anything when you are fooling yourself. you will always be searching for you. you will always be searching for home. the truth of the matter is you have to accept that you will never find these things. if you think you already have, you are complacent and there is no longer any room for you to grow. you are stunted.

i personally am beginning to be careful and more cognizant in how honest I am to myself and not so much others. throughout childhood it is continually reiterated that we be honest. we automatically assume this means honesty to others. we do not think this applies to the self. this is why many people find themselves at twenty-five and a hole in their life. completeness may include a void for all I know. what i know to be true is that the people around me who confide their most private thoughts to me are taking a chance with honesty -- and not just to me -- but to themselves. They may be discussing with me their life however, the dialogue in reality is only with them and themselves.

when i hear these things from others, it has a profound effect on my perceptions and perspective on life. i grow from the grace i receive when people confide in me.

the greater essence behind communication is energy. this is not a new concept. i do think that the concept is losing steam though. from some recent conversations with a close friend of mine, I have been made aware just how much energy flows through our bodies. when we keep things within, it can do harm to our bodies. this energy flow or chi is the life force that is manipulated continually through our interactions with the external environment. when we use words all we are doing is throwing around energy like playing catch with a friend.

grounding is a term that has two synonymous processes. firstly, grounding is a process in which electricity (energy) is connected to the earth, used as an arbitrary zero of potential. secondly, grounding in the psychological sense is to reconnect the mind to physical reality. these two things are exactly the same except for what is used as the zone for zero of potential. it is my belief that honesty is the greatest vehicle towards successful grounding.

this to me proves that humans are conduits for energy. energy is God. energy is the essence of consciousnesses. being untrue to yourself is destroying and maiming this 'energy'. discussing this renders words almost useless. beauty is in simplicity. why must we continually find names or terms for this energy? it cannot ever just exist on its own?

on fading mortality. [still you think till you are still]

trapped.
knowing you will die
consumes the now

being stuck in the thick glue
of sadness

unable to pick up your feet

your muscles atrophy
and soon after you can only

scream inside of your mind
where no one can hear you

you can still feel the pain
but can no longer move


your breathing becomes labored
the world turns to black and white

like an old fading television
your reception
becomes scrambled, flickering

your voice is nothing but
a faint scratching

as your organs shut down,
one by one
each leaves your brain more battered

still,
intact
till
the
last
drop

your last breath
is full of rag water
as you are tossed
into
a bucket

filling your lungs
with scalding hot water
like an old overflow tank

still,
you think
till
the
last
thought