craving heat.

At each turn of the shower knob he became an addict more and more.

only the good die young? a sub atomic reason.

Sometimes I feel the nicer I am, the greater the likelihood that I will die young. The more charitable, honest and caring I am will trigger some mtDNA response for me to begin self destructing on the molecular level. It sounds ridiculous, but once we're dead we are showered with praise even if no praise should be given. I am sure many of you reading this have briefly daydreamed how your death would affect those around you. "Oh, he was such a caring and generous guy -- he would have done anything for anyone" Not. But it is part of the social script of grievance and death in our society. Even murderers are case studied well after their deaths which brings to them a notoriety that even a regular Joe Schmoe, Jon Doe or Suzy Kew wouldn't get. Being a murderer in some effect is more of an accomplishment than working in a coal mine for 25 years. Interesting. You have to create bangs in this life in order to resonate well after your death.

Islamic Banks

Islamic Banking is nothing more than an attempt by Islamists, with backing from Middle Eastern Financial Institutions and their Western partners, to scare Muslim Canadians into believing that they should pay more to the banks and demand less in return as an act of religiosity (Muslim Canadian Congress).

I'm glad that the Muslim Canadian Congress is opposed to this. It's just another manifestation of the perpetuation of Muslim conquest upon the world.

stepping farther

i was closer to you when you were further away [from christ]
you are one step closer to being farther from me

deceasing

It's scary to think about how you leave behind when you die. Wouldn't it be scary to let people see your hard drive once you've died? It would really show what kind of person you were. Or imagine all of your lovers converged at your funeral and found you out?
Wouldn't that be something else?

i can see the ape in all of us
it's easiest seen when we think no one is watching us
and most happiness we feel
is just a reward
for almost
reproducing

czesc

jestem zimno.
tak jest moj serce albo cialo?

treading.

i wouldnt waste time playing games
if i had an open heart

if i had a reason to believe
that anyone was worth the leap

you say i always
treat you like science
and less like a lover

because people are walking rubix cubes
they elude you into playing with them
for self validation
for a stroke of lust

i am tempted by your lips
but i know
you're getting tired

i wouldnt have to fear the water
if i knew it was deep with love
but i know you're getting tired
of treading in it alone

in the car

we've upgraded from the old
torn vinyl

i've just popped
you like a mosquito
as you lay leaking all over
the leather
in the backseat blood

all of your past
lovers came pouring out

and you just took
another layer off of
my holy dove

we will walk
with our feet
tightly glued to the ground
once the leaves begin to hold their
breath
and turn purple

whence they fall
and leave
bloodstains
on the cobblestone roads

your ragged breath
aged grapes
breathed onto me
from behind
showing me how to use
a protractor

stop trying to figure me out jensen!

jesus freak.

you released a video
with your face all over the place
one day you're sad
the next day you're glad
your undulation
of success and failure
reminds me of Jesus
too bad you're too much like him

falling and getting back up
like the tide
never getting anywhere

oh,
and the girl you banged last night
was a Jesus freak
you can love her more

When are they going to develop a vaccine for the ACN virus?
I think it's more dangerous than H1N1.

A memetic virus, thrives on finding people who have no passion in life so the attractor being wealth for no apparent cause. A sense of fulfillment gained through dangling the proverbial carrot in front of someones nose promising freedom. If one has no preoccupation of passion in life, than multi-level marketing schemes like ACN are very appropriate in creating a sense of self-worth. Religion works on a similar premise.

You have a set of principles, ideals and you set out to proselytize them because they are 'right'. It works on the classic dynamic of herd mentality. It's old. Am I the only one who believes this? Let's build cultural identity in a new way and curb these archaic forms of proselytization. The higher the membership of any social group, the greater power and wealth that can be generated. The only thing worse than a bible thumper is a bible thumper who think that his work ethic is related to directly to God. Hard work has nothing to do with your 'calling' or your personal salvation. The Calvinist's really fucked things up -- it really wasn't a brilliant idea to 'reform' something that was already deformed to begin with.

It's all based on using your herd as a crutch - creating a cultural group who can give you constant validation. Here is an idea - instead of taking the same idea of getting down on your knees to suck the dick of some metaphysical entity every sabbath, let's stop back and take a look at how human behavior manifests itself in group dynamics and realize that we just keep modifying the SAME thing through time -- we really aren't changing anything but from Abraham, to Jesus, to Mohammed, and whatever prophet comes next. Let's severe the line now.

[the cold and barren present]

she keeps her mind in the past to keep warm

wake up. [the protestant doth protest too much]

shut your protestant mouth
there is nothing from salvation
you are just a process
within a system
a system
in which you cannot control

all your beliefs are just
memetic junk
a waste bin of conscious energy

these words are not anger,
they are taken in anger
only because seeing faith for what it really is
is innately threatening for humans

just like if you ask if your ass looks big
in jeans
if someone says 'yes'
it doesn't feel good



start putting your life into your own hands
Scripture is no more real than
a cabbage patch doll
set on fire

you protestant are good
but your ideas are still that of an infant

this is giving me a giant hadron!

we are going to break into heaven soon
we are going to break in
with a collider
with all of our might

we are going to bust through
the fabric of time
and all of the souls from heaven
are going to drip out
all over the canvas
of space

Higgs
will sneak up on our Creator,
steal his dice,
and they will smoke cigars together
in the lobby

and the infinite will say and do
nothing
like it always does

roll the dice.

roll the dice...
leaving events to randomness
soothes me

can you 'instill' dice with intuitive energy to skew the end result? can we shape or bend probability? we can't measure that, so it will be left to the category of the divine. maybe our energy and thoughts can affect the behavior of quantum particles? Masaru Emoto, a Japanese author, believes we can change molecular structures by directing human thoughts and words at them.

regardless, there is something about probability that soothes me mainly because a power or natural law beyond our perceptions are responsible for the results. the palpable variables that could affect dice rolling are infinite..all the way from the sweat on someones hand, the dust on the surface upon which they land, mass and shape etc.

another idea - you can add new dimensions to probability on dice rolling simply by stating that the face up landing side is not the determining number.

how would you express prayer as a variable in a probability equation?

the muse has been fucking the dog.

ACN is a scam. Destroy the middle man.

ACN and multi-level marketing ploys are just places for failed industry tycoons to go to continue to sit on their asses and generate revenue. The way I see it, as soon as you have people reselling a service like home telephone, there is something wrong. If A is selling a product, it should be selling it directly to B the consumer not have C be the consumer and B be middle-men who leech off of residual revenue. What disturbs me the most is that these middle men will create any argument to try to convince you otherwise. They will go to any length to try to convince you that they can make your life better and improve your financial situation. If you have to dress something up to sell it, I don't think it's good enough to sell let alone resell. It's all just a bunch of bullshit that further complicates life, and people still fall for it. It amazes me. Just say no, no, no, and no. Fuck you, I will buy my telephone, internet, tv service directly from the provider..I don't need to save 10 bucks a month so that you can sit on your ass doing nothing noble to generate cash.

the web is actually a pig pen.

There is far too much overlap on the world wide web when it comes to content. For example, there are 20 websites that all carry out the same functions. Youtube, Flikr, Facebook, Myspace, Blogger, Twitter, etc. All of these forums in my opinion only clutter the internet with redundant and useless information. It really is coming to the point where knowledge is taking a beating directly from the diversity of the www. If it really is a web, there is no centre; it's just a myriad of nodes connected together in a random and chaotic fashion with no real foundation.

As an artist, I find it a personal pain in the ass to update every aspect of my web presence i.e myspace, youtube, facebook, twitter etc. People are spending too much time lost in these processes and not actually grasping the real meaning of content and knowledge. Compartmentalization is only going to be able to go so far before people will go running back to simplicity as they always do. My question is that if we know this, why do we always gravitate towards complication? Communication is a complex process, but it doesn't have to have ridiculous like updating a twitter status every time you wipe your ass.

I am wasting too much time conforming to these new communication standards, but if everyone else is doing them and you are trying to stay at the top of the heap in terms of your product "music" than you are forced to bite the bullet, suck it up and move forward. I hate the status quo, and I hate moving to the rhythm of humanity. Fuck you world that wants to bury true knowledge and simplicity in a heap of bullshit information.

Entropy. Growing with nowhere to grow.

exploring ravines
singing sympathetically in underground tunnels
producing eigentones
it's like a mirror
but for sound

this city makes my teeth smaller
grinding
from traffic, fast paced
no stopping

i nervously shift around
within this maze of skyscrapers
waiting for meaning
waiting for my life to intersect
with fate

college st
smells like an old bottle
of manischewitz tonight

so many people
dizzy
with magnified
emotion

a girls head
falls into a mans
lap on the bench
mistakenly taking
his genes into
the wrong orifice

today there was an autistic person
giving out hugs
on the corner

it was like a lemonade stand
managed by a maladjusted adult

i'm feeling dangerous.

lights are important, they allow us to see in the darkness. whether it be the darkness of the night or the metaphorical darkness that can cast a shadow over our mind and heart.

when i walk through my mental space i am placed in a white room with worn paint and dark slate outhouse colored tiled floors. this is a very plaintive landscape with little compassion for aesthetics. mirrors dominate the landscape and echos reverberate off of the walls with little to dampen their projection. the air is wet both aurally and visually. the mirrors threaten me, they amplify my sight. this room is very loud. you can hear an atom shift. my footsteps sound like gunshots.

there are three light bulbs casting light into this room. each one above a white sink with a intermittent drip. the intermittent dripping faucet echoes with one of the light bulbs flicker. it's so loud in here. the flickering light bulb is a strobe representing my self awareness. it can't keep a constant stream of light. on and off. in this plain room, this light bulb becomes the focal point -- the singularity.

this is how love works in the mind. it's only fed a broken, flickering stream. you have to find your way in a constant stream of darkness and light.

in a perfect room, we notice only what's broken -- in this case a faulty light bulb dominates our attention. if you fix the light, there is nothing left to notice.

what you can find on a street

this youngster has a rebellious face
just oozing hatred towards her
Bay St. father

she matches with that Lexus
that just drove by
here on Queen
in her American Apparel

skinny jeans
for thin expectations

glasses bigger than her face
to hide
a person
who she doesn't even know

shiny leggings
to hide your dull heart

this is how indifference and indecision manifest themselves into our society and language.

ish


reddish
saddish
happiesh

blackish
coldish
hottish

ish

fattish
thinnish
yellowish

jaundish

3ish?

Wendesday-ish

2009ish

lifeish
deathish


-

what is it? is it really anything or is it ish? off black or blackish?

diversity and specificity aren't dealt with well because, god forbid, we define anything we'd have to stick with it.

night = night
dusk = nightish

dawn - dayish
day - day

These are perfect examples of how the dialectic fails.

what did gravity affect before there was mass? it must be part and parcel with the shell that exploded trillions of years ago.

underachievement.

underachievement. we all feel it. where does it come from? laziness? fear? close mindedness? a weak will? it's a different answer for all of us. we all have to create a theoretical model for why we feel the way we do and what has lead up to it.

my own personal theory stems from a neurobiological cause. under active pre-frontal cortex. laugh all you want bastards! but it's true. my supposed solution: cocaine or cocaine light (ritalin).

i urge all of you to go seek out your neurobioligical imbalances. my friend tiffany will just say it has nothing to do with biology, it's all just energy. but energy is grounded in biological processes. energy is the founding principle of neurochemistry and synaptic communication. answer this: how does gravity affect nuerochemistry and synaptic communication? i guess it's time we bring out the nanobots!

writing for pop music makes you feel like you're running around in a front yard but writing for film is feeling like you are running through a large open field. you are still running through both, but the freedom is more evident in the field.

mental landscapes are measured by cognitive conceptual markers not physical spaces. creativity comes from the power of limitations. there is a french term called bricolage which means using what is available to you to create. I find it much easier to navigate a mental landscape when I don't have the pieces in front of me ready to go. it is interesting to leave an element of creation to the fates..chaos. This allows a sense of creating something you have no idea you are creating. You discover what you are creating during the creation itself. this is why painting by numbers makes you feel so unfulfilled -- it doesn't reveal any subconcious material.

he is harboring a jealousy
greater than their eyes can see

but not mine

i'll get him
before he can
get to me

i can feel it.

when i see her eyes
i feel safe
and filled with belief

i feel i could build myself
and patchup the leaky spots

that ooze
negativity
and temper,

all the things that contribute
to unlove

when I was a young boy
i always tried to force the square
into the circle hole

i've found the circle
that can fit into
a square

i'm about to come alive.

skeletons.

I was thinking about how a turtle would sound hollow

then I started thinking about the skeletons in my closet
how the bones all conk and clank like a wooden marimba

the skeletons in my mind are louder though

when I jump up and down
or walk really aggressively

you can hear them plunk
like a xylophone

hollow
but heavy hollow

freckle doll

freckle doll.

I used to have a freckle on my right hand
it is fading as I age

it was one good memory I had
about my family

from when I was younger

it was like that one thing you kept
inside of a trunk of collectibles

that you knew you would never part with
but it began to fade away

like the words on an old newspaper article