after death feels like before birth

i'm just trying to make you fall in love with yourself

i'm just trying to make you fall back in love with yourself

you fell hard

and for good reasons

but i just want you to look in the mirror
and get turned on

tonight.

you showed up
at my door
sideways
suffering from
crooked bent up love

you bled out
on my floor

you made me feel
lost and found

as we both sat there in silence
reflecting on your crumbled empire,
i felt the hope that
tragedy seldom brings

footsteps.

your footsteps resonate through my ceiling
the way you rush around your room
makes me think of someone who is running
from their fears

your gait is barbaric and gargantuan
which makes you a man
no lady walks with lead feet like yours

the time intervals between each of your steps
indicates to me that you are left hemisphere dominant
you're a numbers guy
that walks like a car salesman
stealthy and steadfast

i've done the math. i have the equation.
your steps, like a mallet
hit the floors resonant frequency
to create a fixed constant
that reveals you're
225 pounds

you never drag your feet
so that is why you have high self esteem
in your wide strides
that try to always supersede your friends

I know you walk with your head up high
because you clearly know where you're going
when you stop
you always have a damn good reason
in being at point B

you must be single because i never hear 4 footsteps
even though we've never met
your footsteps
tell me a lot
about you

sounds from the digital forest.

a five second glance.

what a wonderful complexion
such honest round eyes
though your face leaks out micro expressions
that reveal your truest colours

under your eyes
are the creases
that only tight conservatism can form

the way your nose scrunches
sending your crimson lips to purse
conceals such a sharp tongue

it's not your tongue that lashes me
but your silent militance
and staunch reverence
for those of your own type

you're a beauty
but you'll never be for me

used bookstore. [volatile organic compounds]

you walk out of the cool autumn rain
into a used bookstore
past the chestnut antique coat rack
bombarded by the hue of warm light, yellows and browns
slowly evaporating into the air from vintage lamps
transient like cigar smoke
the floor beneath your feet creaks
sending vibrations into your spine
reminding you of a melody you thought you had long forgotten
a familiarity so strange to you
a sweet almond-like scent emanates from
the books lined up expertly on sturdy wooden shelves
the shopkeepers wholesome smile extends towards you like an embrace
that makes you feel like you've known her since the beginning
her caring green eyes contemplate your trajectory within the room
from behind her thick black rounded spectacles
that of which are anchored to her body via a long black string
resting on a faded grey woolen cardigan
the books she handles give off an almost magical dust
which innervate your soul with a strange sense of significance
her almost vague smile strikes a chord of panic within you
as you come to realize you've never ever really left the store
to walk into it

bathtub illusions.

while sitting in a bathtub
full of luke warm water
pull the plug from the drain
and sit as still as you can
until all of the water
has gone

you will feel heavier
than you've ever felt
in your life

seasons of love. [in progress]

autumn love is impending,
the heart cooling off from summer's burning lust
submitting to dichotomous winds that blow warm and cool, simultaneously

winter love is the most desperate,
the heart sinking into an isolation only another heart can vanquish
here the heart beats its slowest, barren

spring love is the most hopeful
the heart feeling what could be a new beginning
thawing from potential trapped beneath a sheet of ice all winterlong

summer love is the most lustful
heat and increased entropy dictating chaos and recklessness
pure carnal drives let loose drowns the brain in pleasure

orthodontic tuning.

orthodontists are experts at changing guitar strings.

Venn Diagrams.

i'm now

i love it when
a swift gust of air enters my window
accompanies
the most perfect moment in a song i am listening to
at 2:11am

i'm here
but i've been to so many there's

this singular moment
is just the convergence
of all meaning relating to me at this specific moment in time
and the wind is just intention kissing me

to remind me
i'm here
and nowhere else

Why does good advice always carry ambiguity?

Why does good advice always carry ambiguity?

moral realignment.

religious people have god to help them in their recovery process..so non believers should have priority on organ donation lists etc. we don't get the help of miracles. so how is it not fair to medically treat atheists first? they don't have the added feature of miracles?

dialogue/dialectic

the best thoughts are formed in dialogue not soliloquy. One can never fully trust their own inner critic enough. It's like arguing with a mirror, you only work off impressions of your Self.

how was your day?

how was your day?
we often ask this question
as if we
had any control

any concern found
outside of tragedy
is feigned

it often
does take
an earthquake
to move people

audiophile?

If you create a work of music using discrete samples, say 25 - 50 of them, do they overall quality of those samples contribute to the overall quality of the musical piece? For example, we can take a variety of samples from urban or rural life at a CD quality of 16 bit 44.1 Khz, load them into a sampler, modify their pitch and duration and create a melodic line. We could take the exact same sample and record them at 8 bit 11 Khz and the musical work although being exactly the same, would represent itself differently in an aural dimension.

The smaller 'agents' as Marvin Minsky would call them would be the samples that make up the larger work of music. The music itself it created using some type of algorithmic process called creativity. The same samples at different resolutions could be inputted into this algorithm and yield drastically different results. For example another way to explain this would be 1 violin player in an 80 piece orchestra. That one violin player is subject to an entire reality of its own thus affecting the quality, tone, and mood of its performance. That violin is one sample of the entire orchestra and its idiosyncrasies could be analogous to the sample and bitrate. When you begin changing the smaller agents of a larger picture, the results change.

As we have probably deduced, the algorithm that places or creates the order out of the smaller agents of sound is far more important than the quality of the actual agents themselves. A good example is the Mac software Logic. Logic is a Mac based sequencer that allows for samples to be manipulated in a way as to make music. Different sounds can be layered, re order, etc. to create a sonic landscape of ordered sound. Ordered sound is generally the most agreed upon definition for Music. In our current generation, I am noticing is far more commonplace to be able to generate 'cool' sounds than to actually arrange them in a harmonious and meaningful way. However subjective the words harmonious and meaningful are, still doesn't take the point away from the argument that the accessibility to musical creation tools is at an all time high and therefore we perceive this as the effect of a downgrade in overall musical quality in society. Anyone can get access to amazing sample banks, but few can arrange them in a manner that is perceived as pleasant to the ears and minds.

The audio industry is filled with 'audiophiles' who fight tooth and nail to preserve digital sampling rate qualities of up t0 192Khz (two times above the threshold of human perceptible hearing) and for what? The real quality is in the composition of these sounds, not the quality of the sounds themselves. Radio creates a false standard that people are gullible enough to fall for. I write it off as a simple obsessive compulsive human trait that the mind has a hard time ignoring which stands in the way of what genuine human creativity is based upon - emotion.

crystallizing ice.

One can't help but notice how intricate the crystallization of water to ice is. Specifically the formation of crystalline structures on a piece of glass after vapors from the mouth are exhaled onto it. Within seconds of vapors hitting the surface of an extremely cold surface, we see the beautiful artwork like designs of crystals freezing into place until just as quickly as they were designed, they melt away into nothingness again after a stream of plus zero air wash over them.

We objectively see these crystalline formations as a byproduct of a state change from a liquid to a solid or gas to solid. The same happens in mineralization. We can subjectively see them as beautiful and aesthetically pleasing. It's only natural that we evolved to derive a sense of pleasure from perceiving a natural process as beautiful. It exists. We were created from the same design. These chemical processes are a part of us. So after millions of years of evolution and the creation of a central nervous system that could actually perceive a process like this, we attach a sense of curiosity and beauty to it.

An appreciation for art isn't dependent on sentience or a brain. Neither is the creation of it. People tend to mythologize the human mind as some sort of rare matrix that has some type of control or transcendence over the rest of existence -- it doesn't. Beauty exists outside of us, we don't create it, our minds are simply machines that re-order what already exists. For example, all of the words I am using to communicate these ideas could be used to communicate millions of other ideas. They aren't exclusive to any one single process. Things don't come from nowhere -- ingenuity isn't the proverbial anti-social hermit writing equations on a chalkboard. There are many studies done that correlate creativity with madness and this makes sense. Madness is chaos. Chaos is the existence of matter in an un ordered state. Order is just manifested differently through the human perceptual smorgasbord.

Yea, it's a miracle. It is a miracle that chaos and order exist in the first place. It's a miracle we have language, that such beauty can be created from a process as devoid of cognition as the crystallization of ice on a pane of glass. We're conscious for about 15 seconds before we rely on our memory to place us in space and time and to lead us from one fuzzy moment to the next. If I drop more than 7 things on the ground in front of you, that is the most you'll be able to 'estimate' before you conscious mind limits you (with the extreme rare exception of certain savants).

I fight a daily battle with the concepts of dualism and non dualism -- trying to choose which one makes more sense. Dualism has been made to fit most of our thinking patterns and theories over the last centuries, however, the things that don't make sense, the thing's that seems to hide between the spaces of awareness -- those are the things that dualism can't seem to throw credence to. Non duality might fit quite well with the new theories of quantum physics, but until more things make sense, scientists and philosophers will fall back on dialecticism. What created that beautiful crystalline structure? A chemical reaction that was catalyzed by hot AND cold processes in the same instance.

Go throw some hot water onto a cold pane of glass and see for yourself how quickly symmetry forms. So much detail, so quickly. Would you be able to create and draw what nature can do in seconds? Perhaps it should be an activity to indulge in. Nature doesn't see itself as beauty, the second any stimuli reaches our brain it immediately goes from objective to subjective. Red is just a wavelength outside of human perception..but it becomes a colour as soon as we call it one.

don't wait on a hot plate

this thought is like a hot plate of food
i don't have to digest it now

but if i wait,
this hot plate
of thought

will get cold

Don't Understand It? Seek Out the New Age Section!

It seems when traditional scientific inquiry fails to provide an explanation for a phenomenon that Buddhism or 'New Age' thinking seems to take its place. Why is this?

these are some notes I compiled that I need to organize:

it's interesting to draw parallel's from quantum physics and apply it to the mind
for example, in classical physics we see that dualism has a place and function. so we base our cognitive schemas on this.
but recently, quantum physics has discovered that at the subatomic world, things like superposition (one thing being in two places at once) is possible. and i think the mind might work on those principles
and this is where the study of non dualism comes in

those are culturally created
consciousness is nothing without culture
i think consciousness made its nest in culture
language brought us out of our inner prison.
before language it was a solipsistic world.
there was no symbolic exchanging of thought to be able to confirm with the outside world that any other being was experience any type of sentience

miniaturization.

is the deconstruction of the album to itunes a form of miniaturization that mimics things such as hemispherical specialization..singling out smaller neurotransmitter pathways? we used to buy full albums, but now we just buy the tracks we like. is this good or bad? it seems like we are further dividing life up into smaller and smaller pieces.

if you’re watching only twelve channels why should you pay for fifty-five?

people are just meme hunters
they chase memes like they are a prize
and then they get bored with them
our generation shows signs of this even and we were before i Tunes

until the dust settles.

sometimes it's good to jump ship
before it sucks you down

some people are meant to go down with the ship
but not me
not this time

self similarity.

while digitally sampling a great deal of sound making devices today, I couldn't help but notice that upon zooming in really close on each waveform I could see its DNA. the timbre of each tone is so complex, but there are similarities that you can find in each of them. one of the waveforms resembled that of a mountain range and if I looked even deeper it looked like the outline of teeth.

it is almost a miracle that a simple tone contains the ingredients for a mountain or a set of molars. peaks and valleys. the fundamental laws of physics when applied to the vast amount of diversity that exists in shapes and forms all around us create such beautiful things like symmetry.

I can't wait to keep discovering what is behind each tone that exists out there.

i feel like i'm dying everyday, I better evolve quickly!

While sitting in a lecture on digital audio theory and applications, I realized that we mirror evolution in mostly everything we do particularly in technology. We were discussing interfaces and connectors (USB, Firewird, MIDI, Coaxial, Lightpipe) and I realized that as time progresses and Moore's law stays intact, we are indeed creating more ways to interface our products which are in reality prehensile extensions of our mind and body. The prehensile tail, the prehensile thumb..the prehensile iPhone. A technology which immaculately illustrates growth towards singularity and compartmentalization.

All of the interfaces use different types of connectors as the need for more data transmission occurs in a world of continual growing digital diversity. For example, USB has been a standard since the late 90's, firewire quickly followed suit. This is quite similar to how in cell biology the nervous system evolved certain types of transmitters in an effort to adapt continually to a growing environment of diversity. GABA to control and regulate breathing in a specimen with a growing brainstem..dopamine to begin controlling more complex emotions and reward systems once the brain stem moved into the neo cortex era.

If we look carefully at the method in which technology is growing, we can also draw some direct parallel's to how we are evolving technologically. We keep growing outwards. What is useful is kept...generally. What is useless remains until it is forgotten. Interfacing is a level below modularization. We can also see modularization in digital audio theory in modular synthesis of the 1970's. Modularization in the brain began as phrenology and upgraded itself into an official citizen in science once we starting discovering certain brain areas are responsible for specific functions.

We are cascading into the future, like tobogganing up and endless mountain with infinite levels of complexity. I'm glad my emotionally laden title for this blog tricked you into reading this...emotions sell.

deep bleu

you had an imax sized aquarium for a heart

transparent and filled with such beautiful tropical colours
i saw your love swimming around like little rainbows

a winter walk

walking down college street
the snow flatulates beneath my boots

i clench my fists
to protect myself
from the saturday night
drunks

blowing smoke
into my face
like tired dragons

my ear captures
the intermittent
indecision
found in the gen x'ers

the syndrome
of apathy
complacency

but it's all going towards
something