composing life.

don't talk to me about composition, i've composed myself -- all twenty-eight years of it. sure, i've made a few grammatical errors on the way, a few bummed notes and i've had to try erasing a few broken hearts but only ended up making a mess smearing the colours. my decisions have been my instrument and the colours have derived from interactions within a sea of possibility I like to call chance. i've missed some chances, i've fucked up some others but life never stopped in light of those. i continue to bounce around like frequency forever refracting in darkness and light. sometimes i prefer darkness because i love the mystery of bumping into a miracle i will never be able to define. yes, the darkness is my friend because things sound better in the dark and i live for sound. most of the time i do feel like a note within a gigantic chorus of a world in which i inherently and inexplicably bump into others that i harmonize with. i've been in love three times and each love was a different interval. my first love was a sixth -- stable but uneasy. my second was a third -- pleasing to the ear but untamable and deceptive on the pythagorean level. my third was a perfect fifth - balanced and natural but far away from home (wherever that is). so i've compromised each step of the way. my friends and family, well, we are full chords and i seldom consider myself the fundamental note (since they tend to carry me). i love the sound we make because, unlike love which on the temporal level is very rapid (think 64th notes), friends are lingering and fermata-like because the distance between us never finds us yearning or awkward. i'm going to go rest, the next movement starts early tomorrow.