money back guarantee.

she used him
returned him after 30 days

i told him
she might want to try him
before she was to buy him

he covered his ears
wiped tears from his eyes

i glanced towards his love
it looked back fleetingly

i knew his heart was
blind to her stare

he became expendable
an emotional write off
she was no longer hungry

leonard may have had a point,
love might just be learning
how to shoot someone
who outdrew you

i turned my back
walked away

i told him
if i were him


i'd go down burning in her embrace

i'm swimming in my gene pool right now. we're a tight package. genes in a tight package= family crammed into the basement during christmas.

my gene pool has compounded to include blood that does not include my own. blood in blood out. ha. that is how families work nowadays. soon it will become the 12 houses of christmas - spreading ourselves out over multiple families.

there are positive aspects to everything.

kissing is a fermata in a symphony of matter. [a messy one on time and love]

time does make our entire universe non-deterministic. if time were to freeze, everything in the universe would become deterministic, known, predictable and traceable. why we would want this? we wouldn't. time is a fashion designer that continually changes her mind in intervals of time that are so indivisibly small that we will never be able to see them. she tailors a fine seam of reality that is dozens of octaves beyond the threshold of human perception. the fact that the human brain is a storage medium further increases the complexity of time by assigning it a past and future.

lovers are people you run closest with in the field of time. you don't dare let go of them. they run faster, you catch them. you fall behind, they catch you. you play with them creating cosmic vibrations. like a waveform, we find our unisons - our kindred frequency's in which to create harmony. we find mates who resonate at the same intervals as we do. love, like physics, is an act of pushing and pulling to create melodies that can sustain a lifetime. kissing is a fermata. time could be the stage for a symphony of matter that we call life. we are billions of notes in constant dissonance and consonance with one another.

I see reality as a giant membrane in which all within are interdependent with one another on the principle of vibrating frequency's. our consciousness's are intertwined with these frequencies and are antenna's for receiving and transmitting signals that we label thought and emotion. what is inviting about this perspective is it is not dependent on an observer. frequency is everywhere. the light and color you see, the music you listen to, the heat that cooks your food, the function of your digestive tract, all the way to the slow rising and falling of the sun and moon that we call a complete day.

time is not insensitive. it shows its love during comfortable useful coincidence. it shows its disregard when you are half an hour away from a destination you were supposed to be at two hours ago. time cradles the human will. like an enemy, we keep a close watch on time. that's why we wear it so closely on our wrists, walls, phones, televisions and buildings. not in our hearts.

i) it would be interesting to see a theory that would unify all of the human senses to frequency one day. for example, we know that hearing and vision operate on principle of frequency. taste and smell have only recently entered the realm of study due to the increase in research in the field of quantum mechanics. if we do find they operate on frequency..wouldn't that be fun?

ii) true harmony has only existed in conjunction with the human mind insofar. it's difficult to know for sure what stands as true or real beyond what we perceive. it seems as though throughout human history that we have acted in parallel to the natural world. war and peace. chaos and calm.

iii) life is just a series of on's and off's. binary is our way of proving this.

cosmic euthanasia.

last
night

I woke myself up
to dream.

I was
dizzy

I stepped outside
of the Roundabout

we call life
where we tend
to walk in circular motions

I felt
stillness.

behind the eye holes
in a witch doctors face ,
I saw a starry universe

peeked at the existence
we orbit around

like a divine machine

I was God's
defibrillator

i withdrew support.

as I watched God
draw his final breath

I wondered if humanity
would also

awaken
to a new dream

where
we wouldn't
find the need for

self transcendence.

sonic kiss. [the heart as a universal interpreter]

in a room
with a wooden floor, piano
and finely crafted dining table

you shine
in afternoon
sunlight

your voice fills
the air
with spanish poetry

my ears crave
to hear the meaning
veiled behind the words

as the words pluck my heartstrings--
a universal interpreter,

they create a cadence
of understanding

whilst
dancing around my soul

I then broadcast them back into the air
in a tonal dialect

released from my fingers
in a spanish key
from a tropical piano
tuned to your
warm sweet voice

comes a universal language.
two hearts meeting in the middle

your words
meet my notes
in the air like a

sonic kiss

from a tiny island in the south pacific.

for quite sometime, I've had a fascination with desert islands. quite specifically the islands created by volcanic activity deep within the earth's crust in the south pacific region of the earth. there is a remarkable romanticism and mysticism that surrounds this geographical area. perhaps it's the fact that these islands have remained silent for thousands of years. it is one of my dreams to visit this area of the earth. about a year ago I had written a piece of music that accompanied what I thought and felt the soundtrack of an ocean adventure in the polynesia would sound like.

imagery of square waveforms mimicking the sounds of the deep blue sea. the sounds of the surf and the razor silence of the sea. pirates. the wind creating a high pitched squeal as it rubbed up against the surface of the ocean almost like the static white noise of a half tuned radio station. open and free. to get lost at sea would be the ultimate waking up to selfhood.

oceania -- from a tiny island in the south pacific

unspoken

days pass us by as we're wasting precious time
so scared to try to say what's on our minds
oh and heaven knows life's too short to put on hold

i'm in love with you and you love me too
but our feelings go unspoken, yes our feelings go unspoken
while life slips away
we're too afraid, loves a dangerous game
so our feelings go unspoken, yes our feelings go unspoken
and life slips away


things sound so much different than they appear.
unspoken silent empathy

stop this villainy!

dad says you have to live day by day. ever since the divorce every word exchanged between my father and I has carried a solemn tone to it. it's almost as if the words weigh more than they ever used to. in my mind, what I used to think of as a fallout should be in actuality just 'falling in' to a new way of thinking. the weight of the new words are the byproduct of a wisdom that has come out of tragedy. this is good. it just has taken a while to grow accustom to this change in tone and intent.

one of the reasons I seem to always take a liking to living the past is the fact that emotions are far more extinguished in retrospect. this leads me to believe that I must not handle emotion well in the moment. you guys aren't surprised. but I am. emotions burn me less when I can relive them safely from the Now. some nights, I sit with a bag of popcorn and watch the past from the comfort of my own bed. so what good does this do? i'm beginning to figure out that it does none.

back when the entire situation was present, I seem to recall one evening in particular that has stayed etched in my memory. my dad was picking me up after work (this is when I knew there was something going on between my parents) and nothing was really said between the two of us but the songs that were playing in the car explained everything. at the time I found it very comical. I was silently thinking to myself that I was sitting in a car with a man caught in a mid-life crisis who just went out and purchased nazarath - 'love hurts' and guns and roses - 'november rain'. to me, this was a priceless moment. it was the moment I knew for certain that things between my parents weren't going to work out. as we continued to drive, I began to think about how much my life was going to change. I was only in grade 12 at that time all I wanted was nothing to change - I was content with stability.

'why doesn't love last dad?' was the dumbest question i've ever asked my dad. the words escaped my lips before I could contain my rational side. I have a short circuit in my brain that causes me to go on verbal rampages -- mauling whatever poor soul is listening to me at the moment. my apologies guys. anyways, these words are very difficult to discuss with parents. love and sex are no no's because they are what you are the very byproduct of. talking to your parents about love, emotion and sex is the equivalent to throwing a microphone up to the very speaker it is connected to provoking a highly annoying squeal termed feedback. but when tragedy strikes, your brain farts out nonsense for plenty of years after asking all of these unnecessary questions. deep inside, I still do with that I was given an answer to that question I had asked. sometimes I certainly do believe that love could have possibly not existed at all...so what was 'lost' is really just an illusion.

now I sit here like the old man I am, mere weeks shy of 25 thinking about thinking. hyperbolizing the past. my penis is here and now, I can't play with it yesterday or tomorrow. it's here today! isn't that a great way of reminding yourself to carpe diem?


my apologies.
ha.

intimately intertwined.

the smile from a stranger

the courtesy space given

by a kind driver

upon exiting a parking garage


the thankfulness that is extended

as you help a mother and her child

with their newly donned winter attire

when they pull you aside and

you give them a spare moment


letting a person with less grocery items

pass to the front


honoring their time

honoring your time

it's all good time.


loving the person who just cut you off

elder, adolescent, or newly emigrated

[don't worry someday they will have their own lanes]


civil love.
civil respect.

we are all intimately intertwined.

someday's i feel it more than others

love towards strangers is seldom recognized

but this is the love that has potential

to save the world

hommony n unit t

rift between mind and heart

disappearing slowly

it just took the right heart

to pull it back together

intoxiety. anxiecation.

there was a point

i could no longer
tell the difference

between
intoxication
&
anxiety


there was a stage
in my life

that was filled with
inebriated actors

who didn't know
the difference
between
fact and fiction



then

a day came
where
the
theatre in my mind imploded

and was rebuilt
twenty eight days later
by a neuron

stronger than jesus
could ever be

resurrection
is just
insurrection

of a mind
against its own thoughts

ten damncomments.

were we all conceived or convinced?

moses and his ten damncomments!


commandments.damncomments.

guaranteed for life.

i'm eating noodles
trying to keep my eyes on the television

but my eyes are drawn towards the sewing machine
an old relic

it smells like the seventies
and runs like a beat up buick

the sticker on it reads
'guaranteed for life'

.

beautifully designed thoughts

[the needle]

ears that welcome words

like the embracing arms of a long time lover

[the thread]


i wish love
was this sewing machine

won't you be my neighbor?

lately

hanging up my coat
taking off my shoes
throwing on my slippers

every time i've entered my abode
i've felt like mister rogers



'hello neighbor!'

if babcia was a man
she would be fred rogers

we lose might to find meaning.

you might mean the world to me

you might be mean to the world with me

you mean you might?

you mean your might is nothing without me

you are nothing without mean might

you without might -- me?


might you mean you?

me without nothing is might

might mean without nothing

you might mean the world to me



we lost might

to find meaning

pedigree apogee

i've found my mind.
only after i've let it go

so many times

trodden on by love
tugged on by the temptation

to exist in a lie.

i cast my mind away at times
to loosen the noose around my heart

my heart inflates with forgiveness
in knowing
me and my broken father
can be stitched back together
with a small amount of sewing

i've never felt this real
since the day you ripped us apart

if we are to be tattered rags
worked into a form of art

coalesced into one quilt

i need to know that you love me
behind all of your guilt

the human element. on imperfection.

it's not all that often that critical theory is applied to music. when I am asked to be critical about something I assume that I gain license to be brutally and fairly honest about a body of work. earlier last week I was asked to take a listen and give feedback for an album that my friend had recorded produced and written by himself in his home studio. straight away I knew i'd be dealing with a solo album. solo albums are very monotone sounding for the very fact that they are done by the same person the entire way through with little to no output from anyone outside of their realm of consciousnesses. don't get me wrong -- i've known and can cite several amazing solo albums. I have been listening to this album for about a full week now and I have come to some fairly solid conclusions. I have tried to keep them objective as possible, but I also share some of my beliefs and opinions within.

the melodies, harmonies, chord progressions and lyrics are all great. very poignant and there seems to be a theme that interleaves and meanders from song to song throughout the album. this is a great thing in itself. many albums are not cohesive as they lack a distinct thematic trajectory. I guess we can call these 'concept albums'. we all know that feeling when we listen to something but there is still something 'missing' or something we quite don't like that we just can't put our finger on. something within the minutiae of this body of work was ignored or neglected.

the soul of any work of art is transferred from the brain of the artist onto 'canvas' via intention. seeing that this is a musical work, we can refer to the canvas as a sonic canvas. art is a process wherein an infinite amount of variables can occur during the transfer of an idea from the brain onto a canvas. most of the time, if not all, these variables are controlled subconsciously. if the artist is too consciously focused or preoccupied on the end result of their intention, I believe it taints or spoils the artwork. refinement is a risky thing. don't fix it if it ain't broken. how do you know if it isn't or is broken? that is what distinguishes a seasoned artist from an amateur.

in the case of this individuals musical work, all of the surface level expressions were there and they were quite impressive. but there was still something that wasn't right about it. you can take the most unattractive of gemstones polish it and tumble it to beauty. however, in the end it is all in the hands of personal subjectivity and the real 'soul' of the entity. the soul of art is very rarely paid attention to. only the most experienced of artists and producers can recognize and bring to fruition purity and honesty.

the entire point being is that I believe that the soul of a piece of artwork lies in the artist including the human element into her or his work. I define the human element as flaw and imperfection. the dirt. the mess. expressing your vulnerability. if you don't put your own soul on the line, it is difficult to meet the one main requirement of art: empathy. if you record every single note and lyric to absolute perfection, it becomes self serving. art is not meant to be self serving. ego should not taint artwork. this is why I believe that refinement is a risky thing. don't be afraid to be ugly or to be vulnerable. don't refine to the point of no return or the work will lose its soul. if you can't be honest with yourself, than you can't expect anyone else to be honest as they see and perceive themselves through your artwork.

music by nature is a collective process. it is about sharing. this is why I am an advocate against creating works of music totally on a solo basis. symphonies take many muscles and tendons to make the muse. a tribal working song needs air from more than one pair of lungs. birds purposely sing a call and return.

perfection is found in the most unexpected of places -- most of the time perfection is just beneath the nose of imperfection. artwork should never be used solely as a means to transcend being human. that would be a gross and paradoxical denial. it's ok to be flawed -- that is where a wealth of beauty lies. so the next time that you hear something that is good but it doesn't quite add up to or FEEL like a great experience - just ask yourself: is it just too perfect?

[qualia are the souls of experiences]

epigenetics and memes. [the potential of analogy]

someday it would be interesting if someone were to superimpose epigenetics on memes. epigenetics is peculiar in that DNA can be modified through chromatin but still leave the DNA sequence of an organism untouched. what could this mean in the context of culture?

some interesting parallels can be drawn from the knowledge we possess on the trans generational behavior of genes and the similar processes of how transmission of culture propagates from mind to mind.

what does it all mean?

sometimes it's easier to see the latent things through analogy. take this for example..
when you are driving and you are at a stoplight, how many times does your mind change before the light turns green again and you continue driving? it should be noticed that your mind is always changing, however, the stoplight is the point at which a new cycle of thought begins and another ends, much like cell reproduction. now envision that you in your vehicle are a cell undergoing mitosis (cell division)..the amount of times you change your 'mind' at the stoplight would be analogous to how many genetic mutations can occur at random. thoughts are seemingly random and so are genetic mutations.

oncogenes (cancer cells) are cells that are continually running red lights! they break the traffic laws of cell reproduction. will we ever be able to stop all people that run red lights? will we ever be able to stop people from changing their minds at stoplights? these are the macro cosmic questions that cell biologists could be asking themselves to solve a problem not seen by the naked eye.

everyday a new email comes to try to make me feel bad about my penis:

hello again dave,
with a longer penis you can perform even more sexual positions
http://www.glamoise.com/

-Mate Kettler




thanks Mate. for the simple fact that I am human and you are a spambot I know that you really aren't concerned about my penis size. but thanks anyway. what is really interesting is that thousands of people actually buy into this type of advertisement. are people really that insecure? do you girls get emails regarding breast augmentation? or do they just target the penis?

sexual positions. you don't need a walrus penis to please a lady. yet. we're not at that stage of evolution. someday soon I fear genetic engineering will fuse the chromosomes of the walrus penis into the homo sapien penis. then, you will have twenty-four inches of gun power with no brain behind the gun. it's only a matter of time.

until then corporate America, you can continue to make war, not love with your pathetic penis advertisement.s

it's where you were, are and will be.

infinity collides
in infinite angles
to converge into the shape of Now

[the constant exploding of Matreshka dolls
would be an empirical experiment of a 'now' event
a singularity subject to an extreme random occurrence creates a moment. where all of the pieces of the doll land, defines the occasion.]

conscience as the custodian.

memories come at us like asteroids
seemingly random
when they collide with our will
emotions explode
all over our mind

at times,
conscience the custodians
cannot clean up

vibration, singing with the world, music in untold places.

some day's i hear music
in the grinding of gears
the purring of motors
supersonic whistling of jet engines

today i sang a love song with my microwave

three months ago i carried a duet with a lawnmower
for two cat's engaging in rough sex
on a unkept
dry yellow
lawn

sometimes my car's serpentine belt
screeches out operatic like melodies
when my air conditioning unit is engaged;

sometimes other car's on the freeway oblige
and join in on this chorus of Good Vibration's

i harmonize with the world

as if it were my band mate(s)

to be still.

by this river
i come to watch progress unfold

in front of me
existence slams ahead

i sit motionless

mind come here to be still.

.

high in the spruce trees
free will glares down at me

knowing it cannot get me

still

a note on thoughts and washroom breaks.

[but pissing unlocks some weird receptors in my brain...]

moments of epiphany plague the pissing psyche.

intuition must live in our urinary tracts

the voyeur inside of my skull provides the clairvoyance

being naked is thinking naked.naked thinking is naked being.




peculiar moments pulse

down into a porcelain pot


trickling ideas

powder room ponderings

latrine language


may i be excused?

my mind needs

to tinkle

fall back. [winter will catch you.]

darkness now brackets light
as we fall back
into winters paws

in my heart
winter,
the warmest of seasons.

prequeled by falling leaves,
brisk walks
by the harborfront

seeing colorful explosions in the night sky
that produce clouds like dragons

soon we will walk through
a kaleidoscope of autumn leaves
and learn how to

fall back

into eachother's arms


just as fall has learned
to trust winters paws

love your life.

in the time that it took to take its toll on
did you trade your angel for a hard shell?
afraid to fight, afraid to doubt, afraid to fit so
lovely into yourself

when there's no one around to lie
who will tell you to love your life?
you know I would if I could

the echo's sound from impassive stones
step on a speed train and go and go
till you cry your way out of here
your colors fly in a burning red
you tear yourself in two again so you can choose
what you can return

when there's nothing left to try
you will lose but you won't know why
when you need what you don't desire
you will want what you don't require

when there's no one around to lie
who will tell you to love your life?
you know I would if I could

don't you cry your way out of here..
you can love your life

the ends of the earth (the sea slows us)

a seven year old once told me that one day he was going to walk so far that he would fall off the planet. I asked him where the end of the planet was and he said 'the beach'.

the coast

is the place we go
when we want to feel
the ends of the earth

we cling onto the sands
less we drift away
into a wet unknown

our eyes scan the horizon
they see nothing but a horizontal line
the two extremes,

air and water.


long walks on the beach
are our feet sinking themselves into a million years
of worn stone


the beach is the safest way to test our mortality
for we are created to
fall prey to the sea, easily

go to the coast
and anchor yourself
to those you love most


ah,
but there is another place
a new paradigm with less air
we call space

we will no longer walk to the ends of the earth
and challenge a boat with the sea,

we will float in the silence
of new grains of sand called stars
in our pale new black gal axy sea

energy. honesty to the self.

"come up with something that is you."

the question of self isn't an easy one. it isn't realized even at our last breath. the greatest works of art have always been the complexity hidden within simplicity. many artists believe they can express themselves with true honesty when only they are hiding behind metaphors. it is easy to evade yourself and others this way. you aren't accomplishing anything when you are fooling yourself. you will always be searching for you. you will always be searching for home. the truth of the matter is you have to accept that you will never find these things. if you think you already have, you are complacent and there is no longer any room for you to grow. you are stunted.

i personally am beginning to be careful and more cognizant in how honest I am to myself and not so much others. throughout childhood it is continually reiterated that we be honest. we automatically assume this means honesty to others. we do not think this applies to the self. this is why many people find themselves at twenty-five and a hole in their life. completeness may include a void for all I know. what i know to be true is that the people around me who confide their most private thoughts to me are taking a chance with honesty -- and not just to me -- but to themselves. They may be discussing with me their life however, the dialogue in reality is only with them and themselves.

when i hear these things from others, it has a profound effect on my perceptions and perspective on life. i grow from the grace i receive when people confide in me.

the greater essence behind communication is energy. this is not a new concept. i do think that the concept is losing steam though. from some recent conversations with a close friend of mine, I have been made aware just how much energy flows through our bodies. when we keep things within, it can do harm to our bodies. this energy flow or chi is the life force that is manipulated continually through our interactions with the external environment. when we use words all we are doing is throwing around energy like playing catch with a friend.

grounding is a term that has two synonymous processes. firstly, grounding is a process in which electricity (energy) is connected to the earth, used as an arbitrary zero of potential. secondly, grounding in the psychological sense is to reconnect the mind to physical reality. these two things are exactly the same except for what is used as the zone for zero of potential. it is my belief that honesty is the greatest vehicle towards successful grounding.

this to me proves that humans are conduits for energy. energy is God. energy is the essence of consciousnesses. being untrue to yourself is destroying and maiming this 'energy'. discussing this renders words almost useless. beauty is in simplicity. why must we continually find names or terms for this energy? it cannot ever just exist on its own?

on fading mortality. [still you think till you are still]

trapped.
knowing you will die
consumes the now

being stuck in the thick glue
of sadness

unable to pick up your feet

your muscles atrophy
and soon after you can only

scream inside of your mind
where no one can hear you

you can still feel the pain
but can no longer move


your breathing becomes labored
the world turns to black and white

like an old fading television
your reception
becomes scrambled, flickering

your voice is nothing but
a faint scratching

as your organs shut down,
one by one
each leaves your brain more battered

still,
intact
till
the
last
drop

your last breath
is full of rag water
as you are tossed
into
a bucket

filling your lungs
with scalding hot water
like an old overflow tank

still,
you think
till
the
last
thought

When I consider the short duration of my life, swallowed up in the eternity before and after, the little space which I fill, and even can see -- engulfed in an infinite immensity of spaces of which I am ignorant and which know me not, I am frightened, and am astonished at being here rather than there, for there is no reason why here rather than there, why now rather than then. The eternal silence of these infinite spaces frightens me...

-Blaise Pascal


Me too Blaise, me too.

insignificant other.

they watched the rain fall

one remarked on how intelligently designed
the raindrops were

splashing curious and magnificent
patters onto the pavement canvas

like two broken lovers,
they crawled until they couldn't feel their knees

[found in each other the will to go on]

their eyes acquired
what their lips
were to frail to say

protected by years of thick skin

provided by a now

insignificant other

this city is like a cell.
it is 2:30am
we are all deep within ourselves;

some sleep. many worry.


tucked away in the far away corners
of our minds,

our ego's have their feet up on the table

relaxing tomorrow's fears

there and here.

the distance between
there and here
has made us
tired

my ears are ringing
eyes are flickering
from a night
of patio lights
and circus music

this time
I was the moth drawn
to the light

you are crawling
and I limp
on my damaged heels

broken by bad decisions
forbidden to heal
because of memories

Words.

you bring order to the chaos
in these small
inert symbols

you say you are numb
that inside
your flame is waning

but you can light words on fire
and burn a mind
down to the ground

-

we have a dialogue
that tears through the sky
like a Boeing

but we are without destination.

Careful.

I saw a caterpillar crawl
across the stage
last night

helplessly

it was us.

our protagonists may be frail

but I know
you are a lioness inside

and I am a virus
looking for a host

there is nothing more
in this world
that I need more
than for you to
dance all over me

as I crawl

like I could have

to that caterpillar

which is the ultimate explanation?

sea's too big to fit in my brain
nothing's too big to fit in my heart

time's too big to fit in the brain
nothing's too big to fit in my heart

god's too big to fit in a book
nothing's too big to fit in my heart
- bruce cockburn

Faith is on the edge of all that we can ever know. The tension between the known and the unknown creates the playing field for scientific inquiry. The faithful tease the ardent free thinkers like an older sibling teases his or her younger sibling -- instilling a fierce form of competition and determinacy to prove the 'superior' wrong. In many ways religion and science are like siblings cut from the same cloth. Neither realize the significance of the other until they reach an age of maturity.

This is where I think the state of faith vs. scientific inquiry are at this point in history. The human airwaves are choking on dead end debates on religion vs. science. If both issues were on the same end of the court, the ball would not be reciprocated thus the game would be nonexistent. Both are key to the 'ultimate' explanation or what many scientists call the Theory of Everything. One can by no means supersede the other as more valid. Since faith depends more on the human imagination, it can be more manipulative towards dispelling facts of science. Perhaps we should re title the rivalry "tangibilities vs. intangibilities"?

one you can sense. the other you cannot. when was the last time you based a decision on something you couldn't sense? when was the last time you based a decision on something you could sense? the fact that intangibilities exist in the first place is a miracle. intangibilities exist to be discovered. just take this allegory: when we are first born, we may be already equipped to sense our surroundings but whether we do or not is dependent on our biological mental and physical development. the human infant is very aware of its surroundings even though it cannot directly perceive them.

being one human with eyes that can see is not the same as being humanity with eyes that cannot yet peer into the vast entireties of the universe and look God in the eyes. the human race can still be considered in its infancy. but like any young thing, it is instinctual for us to want to grow up far to fast and experience this exciting thing we call consciousnesses. will see when we are ready to see. not when we see fit.

eternal twilight.

i.

darkness.

i was born on thin ice

the twilight,
was swallowed
by
dawn


my heart awoke
and yawned its first breath


my ear still pressed
against the cold surface,

i could hear the water of winter
neath me
swishing
like the blood through
the veins of a helpless prey
tight in the jaws of his successor

my heart wriggled
out of the grip
of Despair

and slithered
inconspicuously
towards shore

careful as not to break
the ice
which supported
my existence

careful as not to break
the existence
which supports
all that we falter in


ii.

tonite,
the sea will choke on the sun
as it lodges deeply

into the airway
of the horizon

leaving the world
in
eternal twilight.

solipsistic banter.

one reality.
six point four billion
exclusive existences

all souls
are but

different shades
of the same color

as
all teeth
are white jagged rocks
twisted in
different angles


nonethesame.

a billion ideas
in one mind
make up one Self.

one ideal
among a billion minds
is an inefficient
vehicle called Faith

mental real estate.

you can own
landscapes in my mind

snapshots of existence;

mental real estate

along a lake
aside the river
neath the bridge

all dimly lit
touched by twilight

your minds eye
peers so deeply into mine





tonite,
neath the stars,

we were travelers
now,

we are just wanderers

eternity within amber.

motionless
suspended within
a nugget of amber
I watch as the world
surrounding me
passes by

I see the world
in a hue of gold tones

I hear only the thundering boom
of the waterfall
in which I float near

high frequencies
don't penetrate
these thick
resinous walls

I smell nothing.
the sweet sappy spruce
has asphyxiated
all but my
soul

preserved.


from here
I can watch
eternity

on the permanence of amber. a sheild against time.

we exist in the open air. although we cannot see time, we can see it's effects. for a simple demonstration, leave an apple core on a plate on your kitchen table overnight. you'll note that come morning time will have slightly charred the apple core leaving it dry and discolored.

this is just one of countless demonstrations one can conduct on the effects of time on an organic object. scientifically we give terms such as taphonomy to the decomposition process. however, as many times as we attempt to label this 'process', everything must happen in the cradle and presence of time.

throughout history and as early as ancient egypt, humans have tried to prevent decay and decomposition of human corpses. this act of embalming comes from a deep instinct for preservation. the moment that humans became aware of their own mortality, the need for preservation quickly ensued. the most recent and modern incarnations of preservation are done by way of cryonics (cryogenics). I believe that self preservation will keep on taking different forms as humans evolve in future times...possibly to the point of preserving what we label the soul, mind, or self.

it isn't a new notion that fossilized amber takes on a mysterious role in preserving nature. the most interesting aspect of it to me are the literal and metaphorical possibilities. sure, amber may be able to preserve the DNA of dinosaurs and other biological lifeforms, but it is also the only substance that can shield an organism from the sheering winds of time. going back to the short vignette at the beginning of this entry regarding the apple core..without preservation the core lays pray to whatever force time manifests itself as. this seems simple and obvious, but that is what makes it so fascinating. any new perspectives on time are refreshing this day in age when calendars and digital clocks rule the world.

self preservation is crucial and always will be. someday we may actually understand time enough to be able to reverse it, forward it, and stop it. wouldn't that be something? until then, anti-aging creams can shield our bodies from the ravages of time while amber can preserve the human imagination.

what is time to you?

23

the number 23 is everywhere.

when I can see thoughts
so gently
falling from your eyes

I try to save them
one by one

we tried to gather them
together

but they fell into the
sea of yesterday

before you took your bow

and stumbled off

eternity is near.

Since I have had absolutley nothing to say in a prose or poetic sense, I've taken the liberty to ruin two perfectly good songs. The first song, My Lady and Lord, was written by Bruce Cockburn in 1971 and appeared on his 3rd album Sunwheel Dance. The second was written by Danny Dill and popularized by Johnny Cash in 1968. Lesson be learned from the latter song -- if you are going to sleep with your best friends wife, you're better off dying than coming clean. They don't write em' like they used to folks..


My Lady and Lord

Long Black Veil


.,

slow down fast.

it is odd to hear the proposition that man was not the first animal to utilize fire. we would never think otherwise less it disengage our pride. our intelligence lends itself cozily to the realm of material culture. however, where it seems to lack is in controlling of the emotional centers of the brain. usually when one finds him or herself 'on a roll' he or she loses focus on what the scope of the tasks entailed in the first place. what I mean by this is the actual purpose to existence. while we may not really understand the meaning behind existence, I believe that we are intricately entwined with nature. it should not be taken for granted that we are creatures of the earth and not separate entities. the homo sapien is 'on a roll' in the sense of his dire preoccupation with material culture. we have created a wonderful reality based in architecture, quantum mechanics, and bio chemistry to name a few. our 'roll' is based on these medical, industrial, and civil paradigms. enlightenments of yesterday.

it seems as though I am always writing on the topics of anthropocentrism, paradigm shifts, or enlightenments to come. suffice to say that the dreamer in me has not yet died, I still believe as a civilization we're far behind in our homework. while we are on this 'roll' of material culture we bask in our self created comforts not paying mind to what david suzuki calls the 'sacred balance.' no examples need to be given about how this balance is frightfully uneven right now. films on the topic of global warming are finally being thrust into our awareness with growing acclaim. what saddens me is the fact that 'eco friendly' and 'enviro' living is becoming a money making scheme in itself. corporations are capitalizing on the very concept that living 'green' will boost their ratings and increase their sales of already successful product. while increased media awareness of sustainable living is a successful way to reach the masses, there is a right and wrong way about it. do not create 'go green' campaigns if they are to specifically boost ratings for self gain.

the entire point is to change the way we live, not benefit on the very maxim that we are trying to save ourselves by. if you're having a difficult time living green than you're doing the right thing. if you're living green and more comfortably than ever before, than you are doing something wrong. change doesn't come from doing the same stupid things over and over again..it takes work and breaking old habits. ask anyone who as attempted kicking the habit of smoking -- they will tell you it wasn't a walk in the park. we may have to live uncomfortably so that some generations ahead of us can live at all. does it sound worth it to you?

self preservation begins with the notion that we realize what we do now affects what happens later. we may not live on as individuals, but we live on in tiny strands of DNA as a human race. if individualism is something we value so much, than we better start realizing that we cannot be individuals without being entwined amongst the fabric of a society. society can only live on if we change our thinking. change isn't something we can sell and buy. change isn't something that must be pleasurable. we have to be able to be martyrs for our own existence -- to take a hit now so that there can be a future.

the human condition.

you think you can feel time

but it’s all just a blink in the eye

of eternity.

eternity exists only in minds

the minds exists in spiral universes

that began from nothing.

we live on through air that is pushed off of our tongues

and given meaning by each others ears

not in cemeteries

the universe lives on through us

Now is just the eye of a needle

poking through a flat sheet called

space-time

Love is the fact that

I can sit here

and share all of this with you

L

OVE

H

U

MAN

C

O

NDITION

blink.

to disappear with you

would be to exist

without duress

i'm walking where i've walked before

but with new eyes

you make me appear

connectedness.

these asphalt arteries

carry me from

x to y

everyday.

the train car I sit in

like a pill,

fills each stop en route with intention

this concoction of people;

the hearts that surround me,

are no mistake

are not random

our paths are separate

our love is the same

we share air

centre kills center.

as i ramble on,

your ears

become the universe.

they encompass all that

ever wasis

your eyes could fill

the darkness

with sunlight

and be the centre

of it all

a smile from a stranger.

in the hustle and bustle

of overcrowded streets

some eyes

appear empty

some eyes

appear half full

in this sea

of skin and breath and hair,

a smile from a stranger

fills me up

building your Self

when I was younger, I used to look forward to p.a. days so that I could have the house to myself. I used to love being home alone. now, it seems as if I am home alone all the time. as you age, the constructs of 'home' get replaced by a naked form of self sufficiency and independence. while these two things can feel great at times, there still seems to be a yearning for something more. I believe this is natural. we come from a generation where a lot of what our parents do for us, we take for granted. it is also very difficult to live up to our parents expectations in terms of living their lifestyle. generation x consciousness is far more nomadic in its ideals and form than the previous baby boomer's. with this nomadic disposition comes a lot of soul searching. with soul searching comes a sense of being forlorn. our generation has the luxury of being able to do this. I see many people in fear of existing in this forlorn seemingly aimless state.

we are allowed to dream. if you can gain the ability to deconstruct and strip down the social frameworks around you, you begin to feel a strong sense of being and solidarity. you can exist outside these social frameworks and still be successful and happy. believe it or not, it is very difficult to be who 'you' want to be in this world. when you are who you want to be, you are able to embrace who someone else wants to be in loving arms. our generation has an immense amount of potential towards positive change in the world. but that is an entirely separate reflection for another day.

one of the miracles in life is that we can build realms over top of rubble.

where God is hiding.

I used to feel my being

caving in

under the weight of its own existence

the shallow breaths

deep within my chest

were nothing

compared

to the searing

pressure of

externalexistence.

the outside world is heavy,

it presses inwards.

Consciousness is only a vacuum,

it selectively chooses

what quanta to

suck in

and

spit out

the quanta that it cannot choose

is where God is hiding

we fall into eachother's arms.

hearts are the arrangers of love

they transcribe

and compose

your lover's intents.

i think together you and i equal one normal man (josh morrison)

i haven't written home in 19 days.
i've been feeling the rhythm.

crucifixion archetype.

As canadian artist and musician martin tielli said, "I find adulthood to be a very black situation."


Tonite, I spent my entire dream state trying to pull a large rusty nail out of my right palm. Each second felt like an hour. And each hour felt like a day. In panic, I ran around the schoolyard of my elementary alma mater looking for someone to help pull the nail from me. Nobody was anywhere to be found. I kept pulling at the nail, as it was stuck in the dense, thick and fibrous bundle of tendons and cartilage. It wouldn’t budge. I could see the sharp edge of the nail pop out on lateral side of my hand. The only way I could think through the pain was too imagine the sunny almost perfect spring days matt and I used to walk around the schoolyard and be the best at doing nothing. As we grew older, it became harder to just simply Be. The very act of deducing your thought process to nothing in adult life is called enlightenment. Children take this for granted. We often let adulthood naturally dissolve into our young solute selves creating a murky mixture leaving us feeling bloated and aimless.

As I continued to run around the schoolyard trying to curtail the immense pain jutting from my hand, I still couldn’t find anyone to help take out the nail. Anger and sadness from isolation began to well up inside of me until I threw my back against a wall and on a three-count I closed my eyes tightly, brought my arm up high in the air and in one quick motion slammed my hand against the wall behind me pushing the nail completely through the other side of my hand. The nail made a piercing sound as hit it the tarmac. It was incredibly loud.

Instead of awaking, in which would normally be the case, my vision had all of the sudden become blurry from the shock of realizing what I had done. I began to see different colors moving around in front of me. Yellow, blue, red, and pink. As I further came to, I realized they were the colors of shirts inhabited by the bodies of my schoolmates. As the bodies became clearer and the haziness of my vision subsided, I realized that they were all looking towards me in what is best described as wryly (blankly). The pain was gone. My hand wasn’t a bloody mess nor did the large nail leave a gaping hole.

There are times in your life when you will have no one else. You have deal with pain and sometimes we are all off at war fighting our own battles. This dream is clearly a sign that my subconscious is coming to terms with the colorlessness, monotony and alienation of adulthood. How the nail ended up in my hand is irrelevant, what is relevant is the resolve that came out of the struggle. When you are able to deal with your own inner demons, I clearly and firmly believe that is a step that can make you an incredible person. Relying on others and acts of altruism are special human traits, however, dealing with ones own self is an attribute that is being further underplayed in our society.

Adulthood can be colorful if you allow it. Just don’t forget how to jump on beds, play with lego, throw a few snowballs and never forget that you have an imagination. This dream came very close to having biblical undertones, but since religion is a concrete part of our consciousness, there is no way around that. We are all our own Jesus Christ’s. Salvation is just that calm incredible silence before the sigh of relief. When you can deny the existence of every other human being on this earth and find yourself truly alone, then and only then when you bring these people back one by one do you start feeling like an individual. You can only be an individual amongst others.

coming of age & unified theory.

**note. i have begun linking some terms. i only use wikipedia out of laziness. don't use it as a substitute to multiple source researched knowledge. don't rely on it for your bread and butter.**

with the advent of the internet's new social utilities such as myspace and facebook, it has become easier to see a generation come of age. all of the individuals that you had shared one of the biggest rites of passage (adolescence) with all show up on a small webpage with a profile picture as small as your thumb. this is interesting and quite unlike what past generations have experienced. culture is moving faster and at the same rate, it is also able to be perceived faster. as technology grows and information is able to be processed faster and to a more wider scope of people, cultural evolution has no choice but to signal over into the fast lane.

cultural evolution includes literature, music, visual arts, the sciences, mathematics etc. all of these subjects are evolving in such a way that soon, they will all become increasingly interdependent with each other. for example, all proto sciences (astrology ---> astronomy, alchemy --->chemistry) move from a unverifiable form of empiricism to a verifiable scientific method. just as these proto sciences move towards verifiability and out of the field of mere speculation, the next step for them is to be melded with their unlike counterparts such as science--->religion.

this may all sound like a bunch of hogwash, but bear with me. cultural evolution isn't totally parallel with biological evolution. human influence has a very large impact on cultural evolution, obviously. cultural evolution is more like a facade or an effort of human beings to think they can control certain aspects of selection (which they cannot.)

ethical conduct and science have always been closely related. however, ever since the discovery of genetic engineering, it has reached a new paradigm. ethics and science are under most circumstances unrelated. but they will continue to grow more dependent on each other. this is why you are beginning to see more and more 'compound' disciplines such as bio/ethics and cognitive ecology enter our curriculum's.

the most important thing we can take from this could possibly be that what we strive for as a collective in a culture, is also the same thing physicists are looking for in a lab in a more natural sense: a unified theory.

still don't get the point? the more we learn as a species and the more knowledge we rack up, the smaller and smaller our subdivisions of filing and using this information become. a perfect parallel to prove this is how our computers have become so much smaller over the past fifty years. it isn't the point that computers themselves have gotten smaller but that it proves that our thoughts and methods have become slender. hugs,kisses and smiles have even become 1's and 0's (binary). :)

Shouldn't our quality of life be improving since everything is becoming smaller? If things are getting smaller, then shouldn't they be more 'out of our way'? This ever evolving trend towards miniaturization can't all just be for nothing...even einstein was trying to crack this nut with his hopes towards a theory of everything!

as i sit here and enjoy seeing my former schoolmates, friends, ex lovers, foes etc. come of age, i also realize that there is a deeper more unseen process beneath it all. and although we might all be 'looking for ourselves' or trying to 'find meaning' in this absurd universe, it's nice to know we're just part of a larger process of evolution.

in the human lifetime we strive to become one with ourselves and unify all of the ideas, thoughts, and emotions we have in our mind into one meaningful 'life' before we pass on. in the lifetime of 'eternity', humans are present throughout generations to strive to become one large unified something before we pass on as a species. isn't it nice to know that we're all in this together? enjoy your ride on the arrow of time..because once you fall off, the next generation just picks up the ball and runs with it towards tomorrow.

when things are right, don't forget to write!

‘Two things fill the mind with ever increasing awe -- the starry heavens above me and the moral law within me.’ -Immanuel Kant

Kant had a good point. For the most part, Kant was a theist. It's very difficult to be a theist and still ask all of those 'what if' questions. Still, Kant never discounted the transcendental. No ontological study of life can be complete without the the presence of a psychotic state of mind. Throughout time, the majority of our ethics and morals were rooted from the bible. Let's compare Kant's categorical imperative to the Golden Rule.

"Act only according to that maxim whereby you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law."


Whatever you wish that men would do to you, do so to them.

Those two sentences, although worded differently, mean pretty much the same. One was pulled from the Groundwork of the Metaphysic of Morals and the other of course from the Bible. The bible quote can be taken quite a bit more loosely than the actual categorical imperative. This isn't the first time that these two likenesses have been compared. Another issue with the bible is that although it is the word of God, it has been translated countless times throughout history. I've seen the Golden Rule worded in so many different permutations. But we're smart enough to read through semantics, right? The essence or heart of an idea should never get lost in translation.

Now onto the very simple question. What is right? Can it be explained outside of any human conceptual framework? (i.e religion or science) Is right a feeling that we get that we put into words OR is it words that we read that get put into feelings?

Innate AND acquired? The only way to find the answer is through WRONG methods of scientific research i.e, test tube babies and rearing children in different controlled moral or immoral environments. Sometimes the only way to find right is to be wrong. You can't know day without having night. I don't think I would ever condone this type of research, but i'm just running with ideas here. If we could find someone who would 'will that it become a universal law' then we've got a game plan. However, very rarely will you find a martyr in the world of science.

Part III

stella was always intrigued by the wind. today, the sheer power of the wind alone was enough to propel the vessel (a moderately sized) to well over forty knots. the wind raced past her face and caressed her hair as she watched, almost mesmerized at how the front of the vessel cut deeply into the water in front of her, creating a foamy and salty spray that occasionally met her lips. a very invigorating feeling overcame her as she inhaled the aroma that could only be described as freedom. stella was a very intelligent, strong willed woman who, like darvis, found herself caught up in a daydream from time to time.

the vessel was a beautifully restored schooner very similar to that of a Bluenose. this vessel in particular had two masts that each towered almost eighty feet over the deck. with a length of about two hundred feet from front to back, this vessel, although not as large scaled as an original Bluenose, was perfectly suited for a long sea journey. the sound the sails made as they collided with the wind reminded stella of the sound the duvets made as her mother shook them out into spring wind after a long winter of usage.

“I still think we should fly our pirate flag high up into the ocean sky!” stella said with a hint of childish wonderment in her voice. darvis, who was now perched half way up the schooner’s mast catching some sun, was still in deep thought on whether or not there was any significance to the encounter he had with the pelican earlier that day. “I already told you, I’m not too comfortable sporting a pirate flag at full mass this far out at sea.” darvis said with a hint of trepidation. “even though the skull and crossbones may not be a relevant symbol toward pirate activities in today’s age, there are probably some native cultures who still sail out here that do not know that.” he added. “you’re no fun.” stella said in reply. “I paid a good chunk of change for that flag back in nova scotia.” With this being said, darvis out of a random act of change, decided to fly the flag. this action came as no surprise to stella as she was used to perplexities of darvis’ mind. After all, he would be spending an incredible amount of time secluded from civilization with this young lady and wanted to make sure his bases were covered not only interpersonally, but also selfishly.

darvis, having been at sea for only a few days now, had already grown a little homesick. Stella had climbed up and joined darvis on the lookout platform on the mast. In all three hundred and sixty degrees of view, all that could be seen was the ocean meeting the horizon. As stella looked over darvis’s shoulder she could make out a few of the words that he was scribbling into his journal.

what I really want
is to connect
with others

shove indifference aside,
sing language with the rest of my species
the pleasant melody
a cacophony of ideas and opinion

lets me know
what they think
inside

I can listen to their feelings
But how can
I touch them?

superfluous and verbose.

your titles are
too long.

you keep on missing garbage night
in your mind

you forget to throw
your
waste
to the curb

you recycle all of your ideas
with different words
everyday,
placed in a different order

express the same meanings. Over and over. Again and again.

you hide
behind syntax n' structure

when you write in maths
you are only writing for yourself

expect no one to understand you

or else

you could
use the words
of a five year old

to express a twenty five
year old idea

so that we could all feel it.

reading you
is like
trying to
keep my head above
water

you know who you are.

it's not you, it's me.

Ough With Your Head! [thing me a thimple thong]

Kinky King Keith
Quiet Queen Quinn

a noble couple.

donned in
kirtles.

a dichotomic duo.

Quinnskittish.

Keith,

Gung ho,
had his royal morning wood
ready to go.

stuck between her teeth
was Dear Keith

flossed her
with what was
what made
a common male
common.

Dinky King Keith leaks with conviction.
Queen Quinn:

“peasant!” she qualled loudly on her knees.

"Quaff medicine."


"i'm Whoughping!"

painful existence or a [blissful] nonexistence? a highly metaphysical (ontological) rant.

painful existence or a [blissful] nonexistence?

death is the only concrete certainty in life. it is the only thing that human willpower cannot transcend or overcome.

you may be thinking to yourself, "can will transcend birth?" -- which is another inevitability in life. since birth is the antithesis to death, I believe them to be one in the same. birth begets death.

if we weren't aware of our own mortality just think about where we'd be today. we'd still have prehensile thumbs. without our 'existential spunk' we couldn't have evolved over 1.5 million years to be able to use our new and improved thumbs to channel surf. our self-awareness and consciousness have evolved in a way as to make sure we didn't become lackadaisical and die off. so using death as a motivator for living is probably the best thing that could have ever happened to our species hence our existential spunk.

in relation to the title of this entry, blissful is just an adjective placed in parentheses to fill in a variable that cannot really have any value assigned to it. only the existing can place value in nonexistence. this isn't a reciprocal form of logic. this is why consciousness is so highly valued. to feel pain is a gift, if seen in the eyes of Being. so don't go fuck up your million years of evolution miracle by thinking your life is worthless. you're a living work of art -- and no, not by god damned intelligent design. you and I both know that intelligent design is just the crazy right winged christian's last ditch effort at trying to save their establishment. nothing worse than losing capital on you're # 1 investments -- human souls.

which bring us to the last point. (i've lost anyone who reads this by now anyway. but i'm still happy.) once you come to what you think is a kick ass hypothesis as to why religion and divination were created, you begin to realize how the con's of religious establishment outweigh the pro's. religion is the biggest mass form of a 'defense mechanism' ever! It rationalizes, denies, represses, idealizes, displaces death by means of faith. "you're gonna die anyway, so follow our rules and lifestyle choices because it makes us feel powerful and in control." - which just translates in the religion fundamentalist's hypothalamus as 'fittest'. i recently had the rare opportunity to see a MRI scan of the human brain and the hypothalamus actually did contain the Freudian id, ego, and superego. riiight... and God is found in the cortex.

use your willpower! it might not be able to circumvent death..but hey, you've come to accept that by now anyway, right? i'd like to think good is innate in humans. but what is good anyway? do animals know good? we are, in essence still animals -- trying and working towards being civilized is just a little ongoing project we like to call jurisprudence. it will happen if we will it. have faith in the clock folks. isn't it interesting to notice how the major imperative of most religions is to aggressively try to downplay our existence on this earth as actual animals? what the hell else are we? oh, i forgot about our divine status as humans. divine status is no different than someone holding the tickets to a sold out concert (the afterlife) that you so desperately want to see! but if you're good and follow the rules - then you're gonna be able to go to that concert! this false sense of 'divine status' is the root of some of our global warming issues also. we get so caught up in being human that we forget that we contribute to ecological systems within the earth.

God is just our mind trying to grow a prehensile meaning of ourselves. do we really need that in order to survive? i'm pretty sure nature will do that for us in time. mystery is the playground of the human mind (also dubbed as curiosity in the feline mind) -- let's not get too serious with it.

i better not get hit by lighting today in RE: to this blog. i'm going to try to avoid misfortune. but i'd rather God get mad at me then a human who claims to be an advocate in His name.

in the words of my good friend thomas waits, "what does it matter, a dream of love or a dream of lies, we're all gonna be in the same place when we die. we're all gonna be just dirt in the ground."

for the life of me.

when your ideas
feel
as distant as the stars

like in that dream
when you just couldn't
seem to print your own name

or hit that nail on the head

you kept missing.

like trying to throw a punch
hit or miss
while we both fell from the sky

This, is something you can’t know. you can feel.



but what you do feel

is always stuck
on the
tip
of
your
tongue

a shoebox full of moments.

dearest,

some words can scream
even though they are left unsaid

the words on a page
can
get loud in your head

the more they are reread.

{

you can fall into someone’s arms
but make sure
you don’t fall hard
into stone appendages

if there isn’t a gargoyle
on each shoulder,

you move in
like they did that night in Normandy

slip in
and disarm.

and fill up another shoebox


with love,


- not war

there is a denial in how cruel we are.

r y an {sleep-walking} says:
[what are we to say] against the man who raped and pillaged their people and land for so long?
r y an {sleep-walking} says:
What are we to say to them? and, how are we to justify his well-being (incarcerated well-being, that is) to those who lost families and loved ones because of his actions?
yesterday came suddenly says:
is it our position to judge?
r y an {sleep-walking} says:
then whose?
yesterday came suddenly says:
nature.
r y an {sleep-walking} says:
but nature presumes death for those who cannot survive? could Saddam's loss of power and eventual capture be analogous to the impala who is captured by the claws of a lion on the Serengeti's?


Let's accept it: even though we are human, our own behavior is beyond our comprehension. The 20th century was host to history's most horrible tragedies. I need not remind anyone of the these.

One of the current events that has deeply disturbed me has been the execution of former dictator Saddam Hussein. The act of capital punishment is in itself a ethical dilemma. It isn't in the fact of the death penalty itself that is the real issue, it has been established time and again that human beings are savage creatures that have occasional epiphanies and pangs of love and compassion.

The real issue is that the human race as a collective is inhumane enough to carry out such acts, yet at this point in history denies the collective or the masses the actual reality of an event. None of the north american news media would show the actual death process of the hanging. The media thrives off of doubt and insecurity while skepticism perpetuates these two things. It is your own responsibility to be informed, no one else can do this for you. Sometimes it hurts to be informed of the truth.


If we are going to hand out capital punishments, then we very damn well do it full-ass rather than half-ass. It is a very cruel act, so let it be known..don't bring passive-aggressiveness into the collective. If it is going to be part of reality, let people see it for what it is. That's how people find compassion -- through the eyes of despair. The media doesn't give people this chance. Newscasts are just laden with fear producing images.

I watched the hanging myself, and i'm still pretty disturbed. No matter what Saddam was guilty of, it still troubles me and hurts me to see this act carried out. He didn't even have to answer to all of his crimes before he was executed! The ultimate question that hovers above all of this is who is responsible for judging people who commit crimes in the face of humanity? Naturally, it does make sense that other humans that have organized a society be responsible for this (their own well being as a group.)

But something still doesn't seem right. Reality is stark, but I am personally learning that if we are faced with it and don't deny what is really there, we can find gems such as compassion, empathy, and a different kind of love. The process of getting there can be garnished with a lot of pain and suffering, but the fruits of carrying out your acts and accepting your decisions and choices without hiding the real fact inside of you - that's the direction that humanity should head in. We are afraid to see who we really are -- and if we refuse to walks towards this, then this will prevent a new enlightenment from occurring.

Is it in our nature?